Moments

Life is made up of moments. It is up to us to recognize and savor each one for we will not pass that way again.

A few weeks ago 13 attended the opera with my mom. She was in no way thrilled to spend a Sunday afternoon listening to "screaming", as she put it. I told her I was jealous. She was about to see my favorite opera, LaBoheme. Such a wonderful love story. Off I sent her and hours later I got a short, sweet text..."how was it?" "GREAT!"....And then...."mom, I cried!" My heart soared.

Thursday we had a big heavy snow and I knew I needed to shovel as my husband was working late and I didn't want him to do it when he got home. I geared up and headed out. 9 come out and asked if he and the pup could 'help'. Of course, I said. I didn't ask about homework or anything else I just wanted them to play in the snow.

It was already dark and I was shoveling by streetlight. 9 was building a snow fort and pup was trying to bury herself in the snow. It was so peaceful with just the 3 of us in the half dark. As I shoveled, 9 told me of his day and then out of the blue began to recite a poem..

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

 

Robert Frost

What he failed to understand as I started to cry is that this poem is dear to my heart. It is a part of my college song and holds so much meaning to me. In the low light he didn't see the tear rolling down my cheeks as he recited the words. I asked why he decided to say that poem. He said he had to memorize it for class and wanted me to hear it...it just happened that it was quiet enough for him to feel comfortable... My heart danced.

Last night I was feeling frenzied but wanted to try a new recipe so I started cooking after a long, busy day. I was working on meals for 2 nights. As I worked, 14 joined me in the kitchen and asked if I needed help. What? An offer of real assistance? That is unheard of around my house! I immediately accepted. I turned on the Sinatra Pandora stations dn soon we were moving and chatting and cooking up a storm....then she began to sing...an oldie...one I didn't realize she knew. I asked her where/how she knew the song. Her response was quick..."mom, I have heard you sing it a million times...you think I am not paying attention...I am..." My heart took flight!

Life is filled with little moments...little miracles. We have to be awake. We have to cherish these times of wonder. We have to appreciate the little moments that make up our lives. It is these moments strung together that make a life...one that never seems long enough.

 

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Greatness

"Real greatness isn't always what you do in life; real greatness is often best measured by the greatness you inspire in others."

Steve Hartman

I heard this during a news story over the weekend and it has stuck with me since. I could not remember it verbatim so I looked up the story (thank goodness for the internet!). When I read the words for the second and third time the impact was even greater.

I have lived my life with the goal of inspiring others to be the best they can be at whatever endeavor they choose. As a mother and a teacher, my goal has been for all my 'kids', my own and my students, to see the greatness they they possess and use that greatness to the best of their ability. This is no easy task. I often have to push and the push back it hard to handle. I often have to be the 'bad guy' which is no fun. The resistance appears insurmountable sometimes but I have to soldier on with the big picture in mind. Building self esteem and self confidence is a delicate dance of mixing tough love with praise. The praise given must be genuine because children see right through fake like looking through a plate glass window. So while the praise is not always frequent it is honest and earned.

As a Girls on the Run Coach, I work with my girls to find their inner beauty and focus on the parts of their personality that make them unique. Once they tap into these things, they become unstoppable...a true force to be reckoned with as they grow older.

As I have aged, I have begun to see the fruits of my labor. More and more students contact me with news of their accomplishments...small and large. It is what makes every good and bad day worth it. Seeing my own children, my Girls on the Run and my students reach their fullest potential is my reason to get up and moving every day.

It is in the inspiring of others that I find my inspiration and fuel to keep moving forward. Each and every child, student, person, I come in contact with on a daily basis inspires me in some way to be better. Each have a lesson to teach me and it is my job to learn and to grow.

It is my hope and my prayer that when I am gone, I will have inspired others to be great and that they pass that on....

 

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Challenge

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Helen Keller

Ah February...the month of hearts and flowers and love. Actually it is one day that is filled with all the hearts and flowers. We wait and prepare for the 'big day' ...Valentine's Day. Women have high hopes for romance and men have high hoops to jump through and are stressed to plan the 'perfect' day/evening. Kids look forward to the exchange of cards at school...making the 'mailbox' and hoping to get a favorite card from a friend. Oh what expectations we put on one day.

What we forget is that it is about the expression of love. Valentine's Day is about letting others know we care. Why do we wait for one day? Why is it about the grand romantic gesture? 

Thus I have challenged myself to express my affection this month...or at least for the first 14 days of the month. Each day this month I plan not only to SHOW the people I love how and why I love them but also to tell them why I love them. People we care about the most are often the last ones to hear our kinds words and be the recipients of our kind deeds. We get so caught up in the minutia that we forget all that is good or fail to express our love. I am so guilty of this. As a  mother I think about the reasons I love my  kids throughout the day but forget to verbalize my thoughts. I am often too focus on the chores undone, bills unpaid, clothing unfolded, etc...

This morning I sent each of my older girls a text with just one reason I loved them. I left my kids at home a note that said "I love you because..." and a Hershey kiss. It is my goal for the next 14 days to express my love, affection, gratitude, and appreciation to those who are important to me. I am not saving up for one day. So....I challenge you to join me and....express yourself!

 

47

Today I turn 47. When I Googled images for the number 47, the first thing that came up were lots and lots of guns…as in AK47. After the guns, came images of the 47% that is discussed regularly in political circles.

• 47 is an odd number.

• It is a ‘safe’ prime number.

• 47 is a favorite number of and used over and over in Star Trek.

• 47 is the number of miles of barbed wire walked by the singer of Bo Diddley's "Who Do You Love".

• The Tropic of Cancer and the Tropic of Capricorn are located 47 degrees apart (interesting as I am a Capricorn).

• 47 is my Curly Girls's favorite number.

• 47 appears to be the quintessential random number of the universe.

Well, isn’t all of that interesting? I am now the quintessential random number of the universe.

I do not love nor hate birthdays myself. I am really indifferent to my own birthday. I try to make each of my children's birthdays special for them but me...well...I can take it or leave it. My family never makes a big deal of my birthday and that is alright by me.

Today is another day on the calendar and one where I do what I always do...get up, go to work....do mom stuff. I do get to celebrate Mass today with the school. My students have prepared a Mass for Social Justice. I love my faith so this makes my day special. However, seeing that it is my birthday, I thought I should stop and take some time to reflect.

So here are some random thoughts about today...

1. Today is the day that A.A. Milne was born. He is the author of Winnie the Pooh. I adore Pooh Bear. We have a great deal in common...very little brain/enormous heart....the love of good company and a pot of honey (or bottle of wine in my case). Pooh is wiser than he ever thinks he is and a good friend.

2. I am proud of my age and don't care who knows that I am 47 today. I earned every year of that age. Up, down, good, bad...I like to think that I am 21 with 26 years experience! I would not be the person I am today without all that experience!

3. Age is just a number. It is so true. One can be 20 and look older. One can be 60 and look younger (with or without the help of a good surgeon). One can act younger or older than they are as well. We can all do things that help us look and feel younger (or older)....it is all in how you feel!

4. We spend our youth trying to grow up. We tell our kids to grow up. We dress and act older than we are. When we start to age, we try to dress and act younger. Why are we never really content right where we are?

5. Why are we so afraid of birthdays? Why are we afraid to get older? Are we afraid we are one step closer to the grave? Who cares? I could be gone tomorrow. I want to celebrate the fact that I am breathing right now.

6. I have been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. Many who are gone now, some who passed at a young age, but all had so much to teach me. I am so grateful for all of them. I continue to be surrounded by so many fabulous people that I learn from each day.

7. Kids....If anyone would have told me when I was in college that I would eventually marry (a cop, no less!) and be the mother to 5 kids, I would have told them to sober up! Not Happening! But here I am....married almost 19 years and a mom to many! I could not be happier with where I am today. It is not easy but it is the best job I could ask for.

8. Live for the little things. I never expect a lot and am constantly surprised. I relish and savor the little things because it is in the little things that one finds true miracles.

9. 46 was a really good year. There were ups and there were downs but for the most part it was a good year. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I embrace who and what I am today…right here in present form. I am a work in progress but comfortable with that status.

10. Another trip 'round the sun...what will happen on this trip? Ever wonder if you have packed correctly for your trip? I do....what will I need for this journey? Where will I be at this time next year?

So today, as I pull on my pink sassy boots, I am ready for an adventure to happen. I don't know where I will be at this time next year but I hope it is back here with more stories to tell. I don't know what the year has in store for me but I can only hope it is more learning, growing and Inspiring! Peace.

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." AA Milne

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." Winnie the Pooh

 

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363

Today is the 363 day of my 46^th year. Looking back it has been a good year. In 2 days I will enter my 47^th year on the planet.  So many days. So many moments strung together to make my lifetime.

Why people fear getting older, or lie about their age continually mystifies me.  Me? I embrace it. I am proud of every year I have been on this planet. Each bag, sag or line on my body reminds me of my life experiences…some good, some great, some crappy. I would not change nor fix any of it. All of it has made me into the person I am today.  Do I have regrets? Not really. Everything that has happened in my 46 years 363 days has shaped me into who I am this very minute. Do I have things I wish I could change? Sure but the fact is that I cannot go back.  I see events in my life with the glasses of experience earned thought the years.  

So in 2 days I will turn the page on year 46 and begin year 47.  Will there be parties and cake and singing? Probably not.   Do I need a big celebration? Not at all. A glass of wine and a minute to catch my breath will be enough for me.  Birthdays are just that, the day I was born and entered the world. Every day should be a celebration ….of who I am becoming.  What the new year holds for me, only God knows. The fact that I am getting older does not frighten me. It excites me. I wonder what adventures await in the years to come.

Lance

Are you uncomfortable?

An open letter to Lance Armstrong

Dear Lance,

Thank for finally admitting that you were dishonest. I get it. It is hard to admit you have done something wrong but once it is out there you can deal with the consequences. What I don’t understand is why it took you so long to get this place. You lied and lied. People stood behind you and trusted you. People went to bat for you. You swore up and down that you were honest. You lied.

Now it is not only you that has to deal with your lies but so many others. Those who were faithful to you and trusted you have had their lives turned upside down. Not only have you shaken the core of your faithful but also the faith people had in your charity. What happens to those who trusted you, believed in you and now have no champion for their cause?

The world at large, the cycling world and cancer patients will go on. All will find faith in others and continue to move forward. The people I feel most deeply distressed for are your family members, mostly your children.

Dads are their children’s biggest heroes.  Dads are put on the pedestal by children, especially daughters, as the be all and end all. The world revolves around Dad. You have taken that away from your own children. You may not think it now, but what you have done will stay with them their entire lives. People may not trust them and they may lose trust in others. They carry your last name and will forever be tied to this scandal just as they were tied to your glory.

In your rise and demise are lessons for all of us. Glory is great but greatness earned of its own merits is true glory. Eventually we will all get caught in our lies and deception and it is up to us to take responsibility.  The ripples of our actions travel far and wide.  When people trust us, it is up to us to continually earn that respect by our actions. So many lessons….

Ultimately it is you, Lance, that has to get up every morning and look into the mirror. Do you like what you see?  

Peace,

A sad mom and former fan 

Sad

The other night my dog had me worried. She looked so sad and was not acting normally. I went to bed worried about her. I woke up early to check on her and she still seemed 'off'. I called the vet an decided to take her in. I was so concerned that she had eaten something and was sick/dying.

After an exam from the vet I was given the bad news. I no longer had a running buddy. She was diagnosed with advanced arthritis in her back hips. She actually nipped at the vet while being checked out and that is totally out of character for her.

They recommended X-rays and lots of expensive medications but the hardest hit was that she would no longer be able to run with me.

I guess that this is so hard to stomach because she is the reason I started moving In the first place. Her need for long walks and exercise led to the demand of me to lead ...or be lead by her. Little did I know our run on New Years Eve would be our last together. I think what makes this so difficult is that the choice was made for us. We really had no say in this choice.

I thought she would be my running buddy forever. I guess I didn't think she could get old and tired. She still acts like a puppy most days.The notion that she is getting old makes me realize that we are all getting old. She forces me to think about many aging issues I try to put put of my mind.

Running without her is still something I am processing. It is make more difficult because she saved me this summer. I wonder if that was the beginning of the end. I wonder if her helping me caused her to get hurt andexpedited the aging process.

For now I can't run outside. I will soon enough...but for the time being I still have my running buddy at the foot of the treadmill looking at me with sad, defeated eyes.

Peace.

 

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